Allegiant Alternate Ending
by maturebel
Summary: Tris Prior is torn apart my grief and guilt. Her brother, Caleb, has lost all of his memories. Tobias seems close to a newcomer from the fringe...a little too close. While she struggles trying living in a world unknown until now, she must keep those she loves near, and stop finding fault in her new life.
1. Waking Up

I cannot move. I cannot breathe. I cannot do anything but lay there, my bullet wounds screaming pain to every inch of me, my own blood pooling around me. I see the outlines of my eyelashes, quivering. And beyond them, my mother.

"Beatrice," she says, and places a cool hand on my cheek. For some reason, even after death she smells like she did when she was alive. Like laundry detergent and fresh air. The smell of my old home, before everything happened. For a moment, I am eight year old Beatrice, safe in Abnegation. Then the pain brings me back to the present. Brings me back to being Tris.

I struggle to make words. "Am I done yet?" I am sure I spoke, or at least thought it and she heard it, because she smiles with the corner of her mouth. There are tears in her eyes. My vision is black and fuzzy at the edges.

"No...you have done so well, but you are not done." She smiles a bit wider, so it spreads to her cheeks. I struggle to process the words. "I love you, Beatrice." she says, and stands.

"Mom!" I call, or I think I do. She is walking away. The gray of her dress blurs into a smudge. A smudge of the general outline of life. A smudge of my world. And then she's gone.

I hurt everywhere. I let my eyelids flutter shut and breathe out one last time. There is blood on my cheek. I can feel it. The blackness surrounding me wraps me in it's comfort, blocking out noise, making the pain fade away. I am floating.

Then I lose my conscious.

...

There is a beeping noise. The air I breathe in smells faintly of antiseptic and latex, like a hospital. I move my fingers slightly and they slide over something cool and soft. A sheet. My eyes open, and the bright light blinds me for a moment.

I am in a hospital. There is a white sheet over my body, and a white ceiling over my head. It is all I need to know for now. A throbbing persists in my leg, another in my hip. There is a bandage around my upper arm.

"Tris?" says a shaky voice. It is familiar. It makes me ache inside, and makes me feel safe. It holds a million memories. He has short dark hair and dark blue eyes, with a patch of lighter blue next to the iris. Eyes that look safe and secure.

I turn my head, making a wave of pain shoot through my body. "Tobias," I whisper. His eyes are wide and sad. He wears a black sweatshirt and blue jeans. He looks older than I remember.

He turns away as a tear slips down his cheek. I inch my hand closer to him. I do not want him to cry. I do not want anyone to cry for me.

His warm hand takes my cold one and holds it. I curl my aching fingers over his hand and close my eyes. Then I try to remember what happened.

I took the backpack from Caleb. I set off the death serum. I survived. I made it into the Weapons Lab. David was there. David shot me twice. I set off the memory serum in the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. I fell. My mother was there. Then there was no more.

"Caleb?" I wheeze, flicking my gaze over to Tobias. He looks away for a long time before turning back to me.

Tobias clears his throat. "Caleb is okay, Tris. He's just...since we thought he was going to die, we never inoculated him from the memory serum. He doesn't remember anything."

There is silence. I squeeze my eyes shut and see Caleb, helping my mother do the dishes. Caleb, holding my hand when my mother broke her arm. Caleb, scolding me for not being selfless enough. Caleb, telling me he loved me before I left for the Weapons Lab.

All of it is gone. Caleb is gone. My wonderful, smart, kind brother. Gone.


	2. Uriah

It took two more weeks for the hospital to clear me. After all, David had done a wonderful job of trying to kill me. I had one shot in my thigh, another in the hip, one in the stomach, and of course one in the arm. But that was the security guards outside the Weapons Lab.

Tobias held my hand as for the first time since chaos, I walked the compound. I bit my lip and stared at the medical bracelet on my wrist and nothing else. The place was filled with people who no longer knew the name Beatrice Prior.

It was even worse to think of Caleb, who was now one of them. I was gone to him. Our parents were gone to him. And I wanted him back.

"Tris!" I smile and turn at a familiar voice, at last. Christina wraps me in a hug, laughing softly into my ear. I wince but do not pull away. We have not seen each other much over the last weeks. She feels strong, and smells like cocoa butter.

I push a strand of hair from my face to behind my ear and look back up at her. Her smile fades as she realizes what I am about to ask. "Uriah?" I say, barely above a whisper. She shakes her head, and I look down again.

"They're unplugging him today," she responds quietly, and I look at Tobias. He still blames himself for Uriah's coma. I can tell. He is looking away, his posture tense as pulled wire. Christina lets out one tear and says, "It's at one. West wing of the hospital."

Another wave of grief surges over me. I try to list the names in my head of all the people I love that are gone. _Will. Marlene. Lynn. Al, _I think. _My mother. My father. Uriah. Caleb..._

Tobias grabs my arm and steers me out of the middle of the hallway towards a smaller hallway. This one is less full, and I feel immediately less nauseous. I remember this hallway. It leads to the hotel where the people of the Bureau reside.

Inside the hotel, it looks exactly the same. The war could never have happened and you wouldn't know. There are fake plants positioned artfully around the halls. The carpeted floors are vacuumed and clean. People walk about, smiling and talking. Living life.

Tobias stops at a door towards the end of a hallway and pulls out a key card, swiping it through the black box under the knob. A green light flashes and he opens the door.

"They assigned you a room," he said. "But you can stay in mine if you want." I nod as the door shuts behind us. He clicks on the lights and I see my new home. Two twin beds with a coffee table between. A large red armchair. A separate bathroom and a closet with mirror doors. I look at my reflection. Dark circles under my eyes. Hair a disheveled mess. Hospital robe still on.

"Where can I get clothes?" I ask Tobias. He answers by pulling open a drawer in the small dresser on the far wall and raising an eyebrow. I mumble a "thank you" and take some clothes at random, heading into the bathroom.

I take a shower and tease the knots out of my hair, washing the smell of sweat and hospital from my body. After that I change into my clothes. I end up with a pair of light denim pants and a black shirt with black boots. I belong to no faction.

Tobias waits for me outside. It is 12:30. "Are you alright? I mean, about the Uriah thing," I say, and he looks away again.

"I think so." he says, and pulls me close. I lean my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat. I have done this countless times, and it never ceases to calm me. He kisses me once, gently, before we leave.

When we get to Uriah's hospital room, it is hard to focus. Christina is sitting in a chair, eyes puffy and red. Matthew stands next to her, leaning against the wall, chewing on his necklace string. They both give us halfhearted waves as we come in.

Zeke and Hana sit next to Uriah, holding his hands. Zeke is crying. I have never seen him cry before. I never expected to see someone usually so upbeat brought down to this level of grief. It shouldn't have happened.

The door opens and I glance over. And who is it but _David _being wheeled in in a wheelchair by a nurse, holding a clipboard. I flinch back, my shoulders hitting Tobias' chest. He wraps his hands around my shoulders. I stay perfectly still. David does not look at me once. All he does is check a few things off on his clipboard and hand it to a doctor.

The doctor nods and flips a few switches on the machine to Uriah's left. His heart stops beating. Hana lets out a quiet sob, and Zeke's shoulders shake as he holds the limp hand of his brother. I remember Uriah shooting a muffin off of Marlene's head. I remember him as he was in life; always happy, laughing. If what my parents believed in is true, he is with Marlene and Lynn now.

Tobias grips my hand. I glance at him. His eyes have tears in them, and look steely. He is trying not to cry. I wrap and arm around his side and draw him closer. Christina sniffles and gets up. Slowly, we leave the room, letting Zeke and Hana have their last moments with Uriah.

I take one last glance behind me, at the boy who shouldn't have died, and let a single tear loose.


	3. Chicago, Now

The train bumps along the rails, and I sit in a car with my legs dangling out. We are back in the city. Chicago is what the Bureau had called it, I think.

Christina sits next to me, her short dark hair covered by the hood of her dark red sweatshirt. It is strange to see her wear a color other than black after knowing her as Dauntless all of this time. She is staring at the passing buildings, all of them so familiar.

I keep looking out and not behind me. Never behind me. Caleb is on the other side of the train car, and I cannot bring myself to look at him.

"Tris?" says a familiar voice. I turn. Cara sits on the other side of the car. I smile faintly at her. She glances at Caleb, who is reading a pamphlet. He looks annoyed.

"I'm helping him with his memories," she says, and all I can do is nod. Even if he is told that I am his sister, things will never be the same. Because he is not like the Divergent. Caleb is gone.

I stiffen as his voice sounds. "So...Cara. The people here are different, but we are all equal. How does that work?" He still sounds the same. I want to look over and scream how he knows that, scream at him to remember me and our parents and everything. But I cannot punish him for something that is not his fault.

"Time to jump," says Christina. No one really rides the trains anymore, except for ex-Dauntless members. Like us.

We jump at the same time, just as we did on Choosing Day so long ago. I hit the ground hard, pain shooting up my shins, and stumble a few steps to catch my balance. Christina steadies herself by grabbing my arm.

Tobias is waiting for us at a broken bench under one of the few standing streetlights. Next to him is a girl about my age I do not know, with fiery red hair and green eyes.

"This is Eva. She's from the fringe." he tells us, eyes scanning the crowd who came before they rest on me. I walk forward and slide my hand into his. He smiles. Tobias got here before me to round up some members of the fringe, ones who would help us find places for the people to live.

We start walking. We are in the abandoned sector of the city. There is broken glass under my feet, and the buildings above are dark and ominous. I tilt my head back as far as it will go and see a tiny thread stretching across the sky. The zipline. I elbow Christina before remembering that I have no friends left alive who remember going on it. I hang my head.

Tobias stops at the middle of an intersection and clears his throat. "This is where we split into groups. Tris, Christina. You're with me and Eva. The rest of you divide up." Me and Christina walk over to Tobias and this girl. Eva.

Eva looks at me. She is one of those people who looks nice without trying. I feel immediately defensive for no particular reason. "So...you're Beatrice. Tobias' girlfriend." I stiffen. Not too long ago, I was the only one who would call him that. I am not sure I like Eva.

"Yes." I snap, and pull ahead of her to where Tobias walks. I slip my hand into his and walk along side him, stewing. My anger is out of place; Eva hasn't done anything wrong. I still dislike her.

We come up to a large abandoned building and Tobias sticks his head inside through the shattered glass door. "Should we go in this one?" His voice echoes into the empty lobby.

I open my mouth to speak when Eva does. "Yes. That's a great idea." She steps inside without any other thoughts and smiles back at us. I feel another pang of anger in my chest. Who is this girl, anyway?

We walk in after her. Christina swears as she cuts her hand on a little bit of glass sticking out of the door. It is the only sound besides crunching glass beneath our feet.

We reach the elevator bank and stairs. Tobias points to the stairs and I nod. We slowly climb, glancing around each corner. I doubt people will be able to live in here. The place is absolutely wrecked.

"It's in pretty bad shape," says Christina, voicing my thoughts. She shines her flashlight down a hallway, revealing broken furniture, doors ripped from their hinges, and other random debris.

"Not for us from the fringe. You have no idea what we had to endure." says Eva, tossing a handful of red hair over her shoulder. She glances around at us, her stare challenging. As if she's done far more than we have.

"Okay, listen up. We've had to -" I start, clenching my fists. Tobias stops me with a hand grabbing my arm and a glare.

"We can't fight now. The war is over. All we are doing right now is searching a building, not comparing experience." He looks at me. I cross my arms and look at Christina. She shrugs.

Eva smiles at me. "That's a good idea, Tobias. I am sorry if I did anything you find offensive in any way!" She pulls out a flashlight. "Okay team, let's go!"

I scowl and stomp up the stairs after her.


	4. Back to Back

Tobias sits at the edge of his bed, undoing his shoelaces. I stand by the door with my arms crossed. It is quiet in here, except for the muted chatter of people in the hallway. We got back to the Bureau a half hour ago.

"I'm going to get something to eat," I tell Tobias, and leave. I don't have a key for the room, but it doesn't matter. I will wander around until I can find him again.

There is a cafeteria in the main airport area, where several little shops make different kinds of things you can purchase. I arrive there and look around. I do not know many of these people, but Matthew and Car a sit at one table on the far side. I slide into one of the five remaining chairs at the table and rest my hands on the tabletop.

"Hey, Tris." Matthew twists his necklace string around his index finger. Cara neatly cuts the edges off of her sandwich with a plastic knife. I smile halfheartedly.

"Hey." I respond. It's kind of awkward, and I know I should feel embarrassed just coming in like that, but I just don't. Matthew and Cara, I realize, are very alike. I have a feeling that if Matthew had ever been in the city, he would have joined Erudite.

"Cara! Hey, Cara!" Caleb sits in the seat next to mine. His hair is parted down the middle and he wears a dark gray shirt. I look at my boots.

Cara clears her throat and twists her fingers together, like she's stressed. No wonder. "What is it, Caleb?" she says, politely.

Caleb looks around at Matthew and then me. His eyes looks the same. They are green, like my mother's. I have looked into those very eyes thousands of times. Times I remember and he does not. "They told me I could meet my sister soon," he continues. "...Beatrice?"

Cara looks beyond flustered. She shuffles a stack of papers on the table. "Yes, um. This is your sister, Beatrice." She holds out a hand to me. I look at Caleb.

Caleb sits there and looks at my face. "Beatrice." he says, and for a moment I can almost forget that he has lost his memories. His voice, saying my name, sounds exactly the same as always.

"Caleb," I respond. I cannot sit here while he asks me question; I cannot. "I need to go," I tell them, and stand abruptly. Caleb starts to talk, but I hurry away from the table. I will not sit there with my brain dead brother.

I keep walking until I come to the main lobby. The Bureau's security officers are working again, checking for weapons from the people who slowly trickle in from the fringe. I walk past the checkpoint the large sculpture with the water tank and stone. I freeze, surprised.

The thing is completely gone. The only thing left of it is some exposed pipes on the floor and cement blocked off by wire. Another sign of this new world we have made.

"Tris!" Christina comes up behind me. "Are you okay? You look...on edge." I smile. Her Candor strained eyes never cease to figure me out.

"I just ran into my brother. They told him who I was," I respond. What's wrong with me? I should have stayed, helped him remember. But I cannot deal with this right now.

Christina nods in understanding. Then she glances around, as if to make sure no one is listening. She smiles really wide. Her teeth are slightly crooked and very white.

"Zeke says he's going to have this thing where old Dauntless members get together and go on a zipline," she says, eyes wide with excitement. "Next week. Do you want to come?"

I remember how amazing it was, having my arms out like I was flying, seeing the people down below. "Yes," I tell her. "Believe me, it's amazing."

She looks confused. "How would you know?" she asks suspiciously. Of course. I never told her about it.

"Oh. Uriah invited me to zipline during initiation." I reply, feeling slightly guilty. I do not want her to be mad at me. It is nice to have a friend again, when I am not constantly fighting for my life.

She rolls her eyes but says nothing. "Do you think I could bring Rose?" I am stumped for a moment before remembering that she has a little sister.

"Isn't she Candor? Believe me, any other faction would be terrified," I say, crossing my arms. Christina grins.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. When Rose got to the Bureau, they tested her. Tris, she's divergent. Like you."


	5. The Fringe

I tie up my boots and stand. Tobias sits in the armchair in our room with his arms crossed. "Are you still mad at me?" he asks, scowling. I pull on a jacket, narrowing my eyes.

"No," I say, and mirror him, crossing my arms. He sighs and rubs his fingers between his eyebrows and closes his eyes.

"If you're not, then let's go." He walks over to me and kisses me slowly before leaving the room. I follow him out. Today, the Bureau was having a group of people going out to the fringe to round up people from the fringe.

Tobias holds my hand as we walk down the hall. I start to feel better. We have been through so much together. It will not be easy to pull us apart.

A truck waits for us outside the main lobby. It is already half full of people. Among them, I see Christina, Cara, and Matthew. We climb into the back of the truck. I sit next to Christina. She smiles at me. Her hair has grown out a bit, so it comes down to her neck.

The truck starts moving. Tobias sits on my other side, glaring at the floor. He has not been to the fringe before. I wonder how much it has changed.

Matthew seems nervous, fingering his necklace string. I don't blame him. He once dated a girl from the fringe, and she ended up dead. This will bring back bad memories.

I resort to looking out the window as we go along. There are abandoned buildings now that we are further away from the Bureau. It looks sad and old.

The truck lurches to a stop at the edge of the fringe. We all pile out into the broken streets. Two teenagers cross their arms. One pulls out a knife.

Tobias goes forward. "Hey, it's fine. We're here to relocate you to new homes. Better homes. Where you can get fresh food and clothes." He sets his hands out in front of him. "See? We're not armed."

One of them, a girl with half of her head shaved, scoffs. "Like we'd ever believe you." she snaps. Then someone else steps forward. A tall girl wearing a tight tank top and black pants with a long wave of red hair down her back.

"No, Selene! It's fine. I'm with them. Tobias is telling the truth!" Eva walks forward and whispers into the girl's ear. The girl crosses her arms but nods. The other teenager, a girl with very blond hair, spits at the ground and mutters something. Selene turns back to us.

"Ray is telling the others." she says, scowling. No matter what she says, I can tell she does not trust us.

Eva turns to Tobias with a triumphant smile on her face. "I've got this one. Now all we need to do is wait here for Selene and Ray to bring back some more people." She glances at the rest of us and rests her eyes on me. "I know how to approach them."

I cross my arms and look at Christina. She is scowling. "That girl sucks," she remarks, replacing her frown with a smirk.

We sit on the back of the truck and wait. "Do you think we can trust this...Selene?" mutters Cara. She tucks a stray hair behind her ear.

I shrug. "I don't know." What I do know is that I distrust Eva, and anyone that she trusts I will not believe in. Anyone from the fringe could be potentially dangerous.

We hear footsteps. Christina and I stand at the same time. Selene walks forwards, followed by a small group of dirty, angry looking people. There ages seem to range from young children to an old man who carries a small bag.

"Take us to a better place," yells Selene. Eva smiles, wraps her arm around her shoulders, and helps them into the truck. When they are all loaded, we pile in after them.

The whole ride back is full of people who give us dirty looks and Eva's endless chatter. I sit next to Christina again, who returns the glares shot at us by all the people from the fringe.

Even though I have done a good deed, I feel like there is something severely wring with this situation.


	6. Girl Talk

That night, after I have showered and climbed into my bed, I dream of my old life. The one I so often yearn to go back to.

My mother sits next to me, Caleb across from me. My father sits next to him, and he is talking about work. I remember how I was so often chastised to stay quiet at the dinner table. I do so now, because my time with them is limited.

My mother smiles and begins to talk of her day. I turn and look at her, studying her features so I can never forget her. She has the same golden hair as my, twisted into a bun, and wears a baggy gray shirt if the Abnegation.

After dinner, I do the dishes with Caleb. He hums as he washes, and I watch him as I dry the plates and forks and put them away. He has short hair. Abnegation style.

My mother and father and Caleb stand in front of me, by the fire. They are smiling. They are happy. I feel tears come into my eyes. "I love you," I tell them. My mother opens her mouth to speak when I awaken.

My parents are not there. Neither is Caleb. All that is there is a whisper from the hallway. I listen harder. A soft giggle. The voice is familiar.

I creep out of bed and look through the small peephole in the door. I am short and have to stand on the tips of my toes to see through it. Cara and Matthew walk down the hall together, holding hands and laughing softly.

I step back and smile into the darkness. No matter how rigid the Erudite can seem, they are people like the rest of us. I look back into the room. Tobias is still sleeping, facing the opposite direction. I walk over to his bed.

Even if my mother and father and now Caleb are gone, I have him. He told me he would be my family, and I believe him. He is. He will always be.

I climb under the blankets and curl myself next to him. He still doesn't wake up. I smile into the pillow, and finally fall back asleep.

When I wake again, sunlight streams in through the curtains of the room. I sit up and stretch, wincing as the gauze around my bullet wounds dogs into my skin. Tobias is already gone. There is a note on the table between the beds, on a small paper pad.

_6 - _

_I'm off relocating more people from the fringe. Stay in today, you need your rest to heal. I'll be back by two._

_\- 4_

I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt that exposes the birds on my collarbone and tuck the note in my back pocket. In the meantime, I will find something to do. I swallow a few painkiller pills and leave the room.

At the end of the hall, Christina and Rose seem to be arguing. I walk over to them, smoothing a hand over the top of my head. Rose crosses her arms.

"I told you; I don't want their help!" snaps Rose. She looks a lot like Christina, from her height to her short black hair. She stops talking when I come closer and puts her hands on her hips. "Oh, look who it is."

I guess she still does not forgive me for killing Will. As if I need a reminder.

Christina shoots her a glare and turns to me. "Tris! Come on, let's go get breakfast." She looks at Rose and says, in a completely overdone dramatic tone, "This isn't over." We laugh and she stalks away.

Christina grabs my arm. "I was trying to convince her to let the Bureau get a few X-Rays of her brain along with mine...you know, comparing siblings when one is divergent and one is not." She sighs. "And she of course said no."

We reach the small food court and Christina grins. "Let's have muffins. For old time's sake." I laugh. It was all we would eat for breakfast during Dauntless initiation.

We sit down at a small, square table with only two chairs and peel the wrappers off of our muffins. Mine is cinnamon flavored, and speckled with raisins. Hers is a dark brown.

"So," says Christina. "Heard any juicy bits I should know about lately?" She wriggles her eyebrows and takes a big bite of her muffin.

I try to think. "Oh. Um. Nothing except for the fact that Peter is a lot nicer than he was before he wiped his brain." I still have not seen nor talked to him. I'm not sure I want to.

Christina nods. "Sweetheart, you have no idea!" While I was in the hospital, she had spent a bit of time with Peter, helping him with his memories.

I suddenly remember the night before. "Oh! Last night I saw Matthew and Cara walking down the hall together. Holding hands."

Christina claps her hands together and leans in. "_That's _what I'm looking for!" She twists her fingers together. "Now tell me everything."

I laugh. "That's about all there is to tell. They were just talking, and giggling. That's all."

"And _holding hands_!" yells Christina, smacking the table with her hand. She takes another bite of her muffin. "You know, we should have girl time more often."

I smile. "Yeah. We should."


	7. Reconciliation

Tobias gets back around one in the afternoon. He looks flustered and keeps pushing his hair back with his hand. When I see him, I jog over to greet him.

"Eva did it again," he tells me, shaking his head. "She knows everyone. It's almost amazing." I step back and frown. He looks at me. "What?"

I choose my words carefully. "I just feel like it's about too...easy. How the people are coming so easily."

He sighs. "Maybe they are just glad to get some help after all this time." Tobias crosses his arms.

I feel myself quickly getting annoyed. "Or maybe they're planning something," I retort. Tobias sighs again, this time louder.

"Look, I just got back. Can we talk about something else?" He brushes his hand lightly over my arms. I feel my anger slowly begin to fade.

"Okay," I agree. He kisses me lightly and slips his hand into mine. We walk through the security checkpoint, avoiding the guards completely. They will not ever find the knife I have hidden in my back pocket. After all this time, it is still my habit to be armed at all times.

Tobias leads us down a few series of hallways. "Where are we going?" I ask. He doesn't answer, just keeps walking. I begin to get a bad feeling about where we are going.

He finally stops at an unmarked metal door and pushes it open. I stop when I see who is in the room.

Cara sits in a chair, and Peter and Caleb sit on a couch across from her. They all look up when I come in.

"You made it," says Cara, to Tobias. I clench my fists and look at him. He sets his jaw and does not return my stare.

"You knew about this? You set this up?" I snap at Tobias. He looks at me, his mouth turning down at the corners.

"I had to, because it needs to happen. And I knew you would say no." He pulls up a couple of chairs. "Now sit down. Cara needs you to help them with their memories."

I glare at him and sit on the edge of one of the chairs. Caleb looks at me, his stare almost fascinated. I feel as if I am a sample under a telescope, small but important, and I am being studied.

"Beatrice...?" Caleb says, and Cara nods, as if to encourage him to go on. "But people call you Tris."

I cross my arms and look at the ceiling. This is not alright. I feel like I am about to cry, and I do not want to cry in front of any of these people. "Yes." I say, my voice tense and small.

"Our parents gave up their lives so you could live. Andrew and Natalie Prior. You are a divergent." His eyes are bright, like he is excited about this knowledge. I feel my hands begin to shake.

"Yes." I say again, and this time my voice shakes a bit. Tobias rests his hand on my shoulder to steady me.

"I joined Erudite and you joined Dauntless. Erudite was planning something and I was in on the plan. They tried to kill you several times. You were mad at me because I assisted Jeanine Matthews in performing tests on you." Caleb is staring at me.

Peter cuts in, looking excited. "I was there, too. I saved you by changing out the death serum with a paralytic serum. I helped you escape. Tobias was there. But I still thought his name was...Three?"

"Four," Tobias corrects. Peter nods. He and Caleb exchange a glance. Everything is wrong with this situation.

My mind reforms the memory of Erudite headquarters, the terrifying simulations, the awful cell they kept me in. My hands shake uncontrollably. "I can't do this," I tell Caleb, and wrench myself out of the chair.

"Tris -" Tobias starts, but I am already out of the room. I cannot sit there while my brother talks about these things.

It would break me.


	8. Taking Flight

Christina and I sit side by side, tying up our boots. She looks excited. It is the night she's been waiting for, when Zeke will take us out to do the zipline. Rose is coming too, though she sits with a group of younger participants.

Tobias comes over and sits with me. I was surprised when he decided to come with us, knowing his fear of heights and all. I can't help but to think he is only coming because he doesn't want me to do anything stupid.

We do not speak. Though there is still tension between us, I want him with me. I have almost lost him too many times to stay angry for long.

"Tris. Are you in there?" Christina waves her hand in front of my face. She's painted her nails with a dark burgundy color. I look at her expectantly. She sighs. "Really? You missed me telling _the best _story ever!"

I punch her in the shoulder. She smirks. "You heard it, right Four?" Christina looks over my head at Tobias. The corner of his mouth tilts slightly upward.

"Yes. I did." His voice sounds like it did before the war. Before we saw so many people get killed.

"Alright! Follow me." Zeke stands in front at the back of the truck, at the opening. It will take us back to the city and pick us up a few hours later. He leans outwards as the truck lurches to a stop and jumps to the ground.

I jump out after a few other people and hear the frozen grass crunch under my feet. It is winter. Suddenly, I wonder how cold the wind will feel on the zipline, and shiver.

"Scared?" Christina teases. I look over at her. The evening light create eerie shadows across her face.

"No." I look ahead again. "I've done this before, remember?" I do. I remember getting into the elevator after Uriah, Lynn stomping on my foot, Marlene's toothy smile.

A pang in my chest. I shiver.

Tobias pulls me close to his side as we walk. He doesn't need to say anything; I just know now that our little argument is over. I smile into the darkness and match my footsteps to his.

We are at the edge of the broken sector of the city. The buildings above us make the street inky black and ominous. But we were Dauntless, so we plunge on with nervous smiles.

"We'll need some people to go to Lake Shore Drive. To catch the people who go." Zeke's voice. I feel Tobias move from my side, and I feel cold in the sudden absence of him.

"I'll stay," he volunteers. I hear surprised murmurs from around me. People who don't think he's afraid of anything. A few other people follow him away from our group, towards the bottom of the zipline.

Christina bounces on her toes. "Is it really _that _scary?" She asks, arching an eyebrow. I shrug.

"If you don't like heights."

We walk into the abandoned building, shards of glass crunching beneath our feet. Christina makes Rose walk next to her, which makes things progressively more awkward.

Zeke and some of the older people pile into one elevator, and I lead the way into the next. When everyone is in, I press my thumb into the button for the top floor and we wait.

"So you had a big part in this war, huh." A tall girl with dark scarlet hair and a triple pierced brow looks over at me.

"Yes." The word is small, but carries thousands of things I would be more than happy to forget.

Rose crosses her arms. "She killed Christina's boyfriend." I glare at her, and she shoots a lopsided smile at me.

Silence. No one else talks. I am not sure whether I am relieved, because these people are staring me down, or mad, because they are thinking about me shooting Will.

The elevator pings as we reach the top floor, and I get out first, cringing as a strong gust of freezing wind hits me in the face. I walk over to where Zeke holds a ladder and he smiles grimly down at me.

"You ready, _Stiff_?" he jokes. I punch him in the arm and he climbs the ladder, laughing a bit. I climb it after him, up onto the roof. The wind gets even stronger. Christina comes up after me, eyes wide.

The city beneath me is dark and cold, dotted with bright white patches of snow. The sky is black, mostly cloudy. I see no stars or moon.

Zeke picks up a black sling from the ground and wraps it around his hand. "Who wants to go first?" he yells over the wind.

I say "me" at the same time as Rose. We stare at each other for a moment before turning back to Zeke.

Zeke walks over to us. "Aren't you a Candor?" he says to Rose, though his tone is joking rather than suspicious.

"I'm divergent." She replies, crossing her arms. In that instant, she looks just like Christina.

Christina laughs. "Rose, you are not going first. Mom would _kill _me if you died." I almost smile.

"Tris it is, then." Zeke leads me over to the edge of the roof. I look down. Thousands of feet down. The height is dizzying and beautiful at once.

Zeke attaches the sling to the metal pulley on the zipline and straps me in. I smile and take one last deep breath.

Before I plummet, before anything happens, I spread my arms out like wings. I did this the first time I went, and I will do it now.

Zeke releases me into the abyss.


	9. Landing Thoughts

The freezing air stings my face and eyes, and makes it hard for me to breathe. Below me, the city smears into a dark blur. My outstretched fingers feel like ice. I smile.

The wind rushes around me, holding me up, as I spot Navy Pier down below, and the Ferris Wheel. I can so distinctly remember climbing that with Tobias, when his name was still Four. When I was just an initiate and he was just my trainer.

The images blur by and I feel like nothing could ever go wrong again, suspended over my city like this. The city I have fought so hard to save. I feel as if when I land, Uriah will be joking to Marlene, Lynn will stand with her arms crossed, and then there will be Will, shaking his head and suppressing a smile.

I feel tears creep into my straining eyes and hold them in. This perfect moment is in honor of them, of all the people I have loved and lost.

My short hair cuts across my vision for a flash of a second before returning to blow around my head in a wild, windblown dance. The icy feeling spreads throughout me and consumes me.

I feel like a bird again, with my arms thrown out to the sides. The first time I did this, I had been scared. Scared of the zipline breaking. Scared of death. But I have faced death so many times that I am no longer focused on what could go wrong; I am focused on what went right.

The smear of the road comes in, closer and closer. My fingertips tingle. I am still far above the ground, but I can see tiny specks down in the pavement below. People. One of which is Tobias. I try to pick out which one he is, but I am too high. I wonder if they know who is on the zipline.

I feel powerful up here, soaring like a bird parallel to the ground. I see windows, mostly broken, flash by, and then the ground is getting nearer and nearer. My flight is ending.

I drift to a slow stop, finally able to pull my arms back in. I hang about twenty feet from the ground, and I can finally see Tobias. His eyes are wide, and even from here I can see their dark blue depths.

I smile, unhook my straps, and fall. The impact knocks the wind out of me, and I stand on shaky legs. Tobias stands over me. He looks worried. I smile at him.

"You have to go. Next time." I tell him, and pull him in for a kiss. This is the perfect end to a perfect night. I only look up when the others on the ground begin to point. A small dot is travelling down the zipline, growing larger. Christina.

I watch as she comes towards us. Her eyes are wide but her mouth is twisted into a smile. She comes to a stop above our heads. "What do I do?" She calls down. I almost laugh.

"Unhook yourself. We'll catch you." With that, I grab Tobias's elbow, and another person's arm who I don't know. Christina crashes hard down into our net, and I smile at the sharp jab in my wrist.

When Christina stands upright, I ask her. "How was it?" If she is anything like me, she must have enjoyed it.

Christina smiles, so I can see her back row of teeth. "It was amazing. We have to go again sometime."

The corner of Tobias's mouth twitches. I lean into his side and smile at Christina. I had always thought being a Dauntless was loud yelling and fighting and jumping on and off trains. Always moving, fearless.

But being a Dauntless is none of those things. It is helping others, even if it makes things harder for you. It is putting on a brave face even when instincts scream for you to run. It is using bravery when you think you'd never need it.

And even though the faction system is disabled, never to return, I feel like Dauntless is together again, as one.


	10. Reunited

Tobias walks a few feet in front of me. I hurry to catch up with him. We've been called to a meeting of the old, surviving members of the Allegiant. Even though the faction system is disabled and we technically have nothing in common now, it is part of our foundation.

When we come into the room, Cara sits on a chair at the front of the small space. Matthew stand next to her with his arms crossed. The others have settled to either lean against the wall or sit on the floor. I join Tobias in leaning against the wall.

"As you know, the new Bureau is more inclined to help the people of the fringe," Cara begins. She scans our faces. She has a very Erudite face. Hard to read. "And it has come to my attention that these people, unlike the people of the Bureau, have not forgotten the past." She pauses and clasps her hands in front of her.

Matthew speaks up. "We feel as if they may be plotting something," he finishes, and Cara looks up at him. She may not smile, but I feel that she wants to.

Cara opens her mouth to talk again when the door bangs open. I look over and immediately feel defensive. Eva stands in the doorway, her fiery red hair hanging loose around her shoulders. "Sorry I'm late," she says in a breathy voice, smiling.

"She was never part of the Allegiant," I point out, crossing my arms. This girl doesn't understand. She doesn't, and she never will.

Tobias frowns at me. "Neither was Matthew," he shoots back.

"Matthew helped us bring down the old Bureau." I snap. We stare at each tiger for a few seconds, challenging each other in our glares. Then Cara speaks.

"I've invited Miss Parker here because she is an ex members of the fringe, and therefore may have valuable information that we may find useful." She nods at Eva, who shoots me an innocent looking smile and leans against the wall.

Eva looks around at all of us for a few seconds before speaking. "As far as I've heard, nothing is planned. They're glad they're getting help after all this time. As was I." She smiles at Cara. I'd like to smack that smile off her face.

If she says they are not planning something, then they must be.

Cara considers it for a moment. "Very well. I expect you to keep us posted on whatever is going on within the fringe refugee group." She casts a long look at Eva..

Eva nods and smiles brightly. "Of course. Anything for my new friends."

...

"So, I was like, what did he say? And she was like, he told me that it was under the table! So I looked and _there it was_!" I try my hardest to block out Eva's talking. It doesn't help much. I do not understand why Tobias invited her to eat with us.

Instead, I pick at my turkey and avocado sandwich and exchange looks with Christina. At this moment, I am glad to have her as my friend, because she may be the only person alive who dislikes Eva as much as I do.

"And when we went up to him, he was all buff and that wasn't me, so then we told _Sheila _and she told Zane and then it just spread like a wildfire! And _then -_" I decide I can't put up with her stupid chatter anymore.

"Shut up," I growl. Eva stops talking and looks at me in surprise. She has features that look so innocent. For a moment she reminds me of how Peter looked during initiation. Wide, green eyes. A slightly open mouth. Someone I do not like.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry Beatrice," she says, adding apologetic glances at Tobias to each word. Christina mutters "thank you" under her breath and shoots me a small smile.

"Don't call me Beatrice," I tell her, and get up. Tobias gives me a disapproving look. I ignore it. Christina follows me out of the food court.

Christina laughs. "Okay, thank you. If I had to put up with that bitch talking about herself for one more minute, I would have shot myself." She says.

"Same here." I reply, cracking a smile. It feels good to talk bad about her.

"Tris!" I turn around. Caleb. He hurries towards me. He is wearing a light blue button up shirt, but the buttons are in the wrong holes. I wince. Christina pits a hand on my shoulder. She is there for me; I know it.

"Caleb," I say. My voice suddenly sounds cold and emotionless. Caleb looks a a little confused. I am not sure what to make of that.

"I wanted to ask you a few things. Seeing how you walked out of the other time I was supposed to," he says. He looks excited. I hope I look as emotionless as I sound.

Christina shoots me a look. I shrug. "What do you want?" It comes out like a snap. He takes a step back and chews on his lip for a second before talking.

"Well, you went into the Weapons Lab instead of me, right?" he says. I feel anger bubble up inside of me. Even if he lost his memories, he should know that's something he shouldn't just say in the middle of the Bureau. I grab his sleeve and Christina steers us into a closet. Inside, it is warm and dark.

"You can't talk so freely about this stuff," I hiss. Christina glares at Caleb.

"Sorry. I didn't remember. But...why would you do that? There is a high chance you could have died by doing that." He looks genuinely confused. I want to punch him.

"I almost did die," I say. My voice sounds separated from me, like I am listening to a recording of myself.

"Then why?" Caleb's face swims in front of me. My eyes are tearing up.

"Why?" I snarl. "Because I loved you Caleb! You are my brother, and I did not want to see you die. You were all I had left, and now you're gone too." I spit the last words at him and stand. Christina puts a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

Caleb is staring at me, his eyes wide. I kick the door and it swings open. I stomp out into the hallway, ignoring all of the other people I bump in to. Christina follows me. She is a good friend.

I walk into the hotel lobby and slam a fist on the front desk. The attendant, a boy maybe around my age, looks up likes he's startled. I still feel angry. At myself? At Caleb? I don't know.

"Beatrice Prior," I snap. "I need a key."

He shuffles through some files and then clicks away on a computer. "Beatrice Prior...do you have an Identification Tag to prove that you are in fact, Bea-"

"Just give me the damn key!" I scream. Everyone in the lobby falls silent. The attendant quickly hands me a key and mutters something. I turn away. Christina grabs my arm.

"Tris. Are you okay?" She looks genuinely worried. I don't blame her.

"Do I look alright?" I almost snap, then sigh. "I'm sorry, Christina. I just can't deal with Caleb right now. Now, or ever, probably. He was all I had left, and now my family is gone."

Christina gives me a small smile. "Not everything you have is gone. You still have me." She folds me in her arms, and I embrace her back.

It is good to have such a close friend.


	11. Taken Away

That night, I lay in my new bed in my assigned room and listen to the sounds out my window. I am cold. Snow blows in from the open window, along with a freezing chill. But I need some noise to fall asleep. I have been with the Dauntless so long.

Tobias will be mad at me. I am almost sure of it. Maybe I am unfair to Eva, but who can trust any of the people from the fringe? And never showing up in his room might not have been a good idea. Oh well. What's done is done.

I listen to the noises, pull up the sheets of the hotel bed, and try desperately to fall asleep. Of course, that is not easy when the thought of Caleb refuses to leave my mind. I know it is not fair that I am mad at him, that I distance myself. It is the easiest answer to this problem.

My parents would be disappointed.

I turn my head so my face presses into the clean white pillowcase. A small tear leaks from the corner of my eye. My selfless parents would want me to do whatever I could to help him get back to his old self.

I can't let them down again. Tomorrow, I will talk to Caleb. I will talk to him, and tell him all about himself, and everything that makes him my brother. I need him back. A deep sense of calm fills me. I fall asleep without another worried thought.

When I wake up in the morning, it is early. The sun is still down, so I have to click on the small lamp on the bedside table. It casts feeble yellow light across the room. I quickly shower and get dressed. I have things to do today.

I leave my room and freeze, slipping the key into my pocket. Tobias leans against the wall outside my room. I step back and stare at him. He stares back. I look into his eyes, the dark blue that I will never forget.

"Hello Tris," he says. I feel like wrapping my arms around him; I feel like kissing him for as long as I want to. But I am not sure if he is mad.

"Tobias," I reply. My hands shake a little bit. I push them into my pockets so he doesn't notice.

Tobias looks up, then back down at me. He looks...I don't know. Scared? Why would he possible wear that expression. "Can we go in?" His voice gives away nothing.

I nod and fumble for the key. It swipes through the black box and I open the door. It swings open and Tobias follows me in. I sit on the edge of my bed and he sits next to me. "What is it?" I say softly.

Tobias runs a hand through his short dark hair. "Tris. I don't want to fight with you. I..." he says, trailing off. I feel my hand on his. I don't remember moving it.

I feel a thick choking warmth in my throat and try not to let it show. "Tobias, where is this coming from?"

He looks at me. His eyes are wide and sad. I shift myself a bit closer to him. Last night was lonely; I do not want to be alone any more. "I have almost lost you so many times," he says.

"You have no idea how it was, that day. I came back from the city find Cara waiting for us. She told us you were in a coma. When we went to see you, your heart stopped. Several times. Tris..." He places a hand on my cheek. "I don't want to lose you," he whispers.

I wrap my arms around him and pull him into my embrace. "I love you, Tobias. I'm not going anywhere." I say quietly into his ear.

He pulls back slightly and studies my face. I stare into his dark blue eyes and feel affection rising within me, affection for him. He has stayed at my side all this time. Our lips touch.

I run a hand up his back and into his short hair. We jump apart when a loud, persistent knocking fills the room. I get up and open the door. Eva stands outside.

She is wearing very short pants and a tight shirt with no straps. The Abnegation in my recoiled from the bizarre fashion, from the showing of so much skin. She smiles. "Is Tobias in there? I've been looking for him _everywhere_!"

I feel my lips pucker. "Yes he is." My voice is cold. She just tilts her head slightly and smiles down at me, her stare condescending. I suddenly feel like a child. Tobias walks up behind me and opens the door all the way.

"Eva. How did you know where to find me?" he asks. If I were Tobias, I would be angry. I might even throw a punch. But he just stands there with a blank expression.

She tosses a lock of wavy red hair over her shoulder. "You know...I asked around. Come on, we're having another meeting." She looks at me and smiles again. It seems challenging.

Tobias sighs and looks at me. "What meeting?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"Well...I've been going to these meetings with Eva and some of her friends from the fringe. You know, to discuss the new Bureau." He looks uncomfortable.

"Why did you not tell me?" I say. My voice shakes as the last word leaves my mouth. Did he not trust me?

Eva smiles at Tobias and touches his arm. "Come on Tobias, we'll be late. Maybe you can bring Beatrice next time." She tosses a carefree glance in my direction.

"I'll be back, Tris." Tobias touches my cheek and leaves the room. I watch him walk down the hall next to Eva through the narrowing crack of hallway I can see behind the closing door.

"Why do you let her boss you around, Tobias?" Eva's bubbly voice floats back to me. She swings her hand out and grabs his. He begins to talk.

The door clicks shut.


	12. Remembrance

Christina stands next to me. Mascara tinted tears run down her cheeks. Zeke and Hana stand at the barrier to the chasm, their eyes wide and mournful. We all came back to the city for this. To say goodbye to Uriah.

Tobias stands on my other side. He stares down at the raging waters. I know he still feels bad about what happened to Uriah. I slip a hand into his and he holds it tightly.

Across the crowd, Eva stands with a small group of people from the fringe. I find it completely inappropriate for them to be here, as they didn't know Uriah. I try to ignore them. This is for people that knew and loved Uriah. No one else.

Hana unscrews the lid on a black chrome urn, her hand shaking. Zeke reaches forwards and takes it from her hands. Together, they throw his ashes into the chasm. It disappears among the river.

I don't know where it begins, but somebody begins to yell Uriah's name. Christina joins in, and a second later, so do I. The air is filled with him, with his memory. I watch the waters blur as tears invade my eyes.

Tobias pulls me to his side and I rest my head on his shoulder. I look down into the chasm, to see if I will be able to see one last trace of him. Nothing but river spray and frothy white water meets my gaze. I tear my gaze away and lean my face into Tobias's shoulder when the tears come. He wraps an arm around me.

After a while of standing like that, Tobias leads me away. My vision is too blurred to see where I'm going, so all I register is gray stone, uneven ground under my feet, and his arm around my shoulder, leading me. A door swings shut. Tobias stops. I wipe my eyes on my sleeve.

We are in his old apartment in the pit. I sit on the edge of his bed. His quilt is still ticked neatly over the sides of the bed. I lift the blanket to my face and inhale. It smells like him, faintly, but the smell is stale. He has not slept here in a long time.

Tobias lets me sit there while I think. I can still imagine Uriah in my memories, laughing, his smile bright against his warm brown skin. I see a flash image of the snake tattoo behind his ear. Then I open my eyes.

"Are you okay, Tris?" Tobias pulls his eyebrows together, the way he usually does when he is worried about something. I focus on his dark blue eyes.

I take my time answering. "I will be." It is true. Grief is a funny thing; when you have not experienced it, you think it will never end. But I have, too many times, and I know that grief will pass as my memories fade.

Tobias nods slowly and places a hand on my cheek, his long fingers slipping through my short hair. He leans in when someone knocks on the door. He gets up and walks over to the door. I pull the quilt up to me again.

"Tobias! Is _this _where you used to live?" Eva stands in the doorway, wearing a short black dress. The happiness of her voice is such a stark contrast to the dark grief inside me that I am stunned for a moment.

Tobias crosses his arms. "What do you want, Eva?" His voice is accusatory. I almost smile. Then I remember Uriah.

Eva pouts out her bottom lip and grabs the collar of his jacket, spinning it around her finger before letting it fall back again. "Well aren't you going to invite me in?"

I look at Tobias. He could not possibly let in Eva now, when we are trying to remember Uriah. She never met him. Didn't know him. Will not understand my, our grief.

"I guess," mutters Tobias. Eva prances into the room and slips off her shoes. With a closer glance I see they are a glossy sandal with a thin stick for a heel. For some reason, I feel wary of them, like it is a gun or knife.

Eva sits on the other side of his bed and smiles at me. "Beatrice? How are you? We need to talk way more than we do." She pulls his quilt over her lap and let's out a long, airy laugh.

I frown. "I just had to attend the funeral of one of the few close friends I have left," I say in a low voice. "So yeah, things are just great."

Eva tilts her head to the left. "I'm sorry to hear that Beatrice. In the meantime, I'll be your friend." She quirks her eyebrows at me and laughs. "Come join us, Tobias!"

I try to not imagine punching her at this time. It doesn't work.

Tobias sits down next to me. I stand. "I'm going to leave now," I say quietly. Tobias starts to talk but I shake my head before he can speak. I am already at the door. I turn the knob and walk out as quickly as I can. I cannot stand Eva's artificial kindness. Not now. Not ever.

I spot Matthew and Cara down in the Pit. They don't see me yet, just walk around the stone paths and point things out, craning their necks. Cara may have been here once, but Matthew has never walked this compound.

From a distance, Cara almost looks like Will. I watch her walk carefully down the path and note she has finally stopped wearing her hair in the trademark Erudite braid. It hangs loose over her shoulders. She looks better this way. They stop and lean together. I feel a ghost of smile on my lips.

I sit down in the middle of the path there, looking down into the Pit, leaning against the wall next to me. Even though today is full of remembrance and memorial, my mind is clear for the first time in too long.


	13. The Past is the Past

Caleb sits across from me with a plate of toast in front of him. I notice that he has started to eat the insides first, just like he did back when he was still my brother.

"What do you want to know?" My voice sounds tight. I do not want it to. All I want is for my brother to be back, for him to remember me and grieve with me. I want him back the way he was.

He pauses, the piece of toast in his hand hovering halfway between the plate and his mouth. "Well, I want to know about me. What I was like. What our family was like. Everything."

I try to process his words. It is both hard and easy at once. "Caleb. Our parents were Natalie and Andrew Prior. They probably told you that. Didn't they?"

He nods. This time, he does not look eager. Just thoughtful.

"She was from this place and went to our old city - Chicago is what they call it here - to try to stop the government from becoming corrupted. She wrote a diary. You can probably ask to see it later. Our dad was from the city originally. From Erudite."

"They got married, even though our mom was supposed to come back in a few years. So here we are." I stop talking as my head fills with thoughts of our parents. It is bittersweet.

Caleb looks at the table. "But...Beatrice, can you tell me little things about me? Things I used to do or say?"

I pause before speaking. "Well, you call me Tris. After I joined Dauntless, that's what you called me. When we were four our mom fell outside of our house and broke her arm. You held my hand the whole time at the hospital. When we were really youn, you scolded me for not giving my jump rope to another girl. You were always the selfless one."

"You joined Erudite when we turned sixteen. I was surprised, because you'd always been so selfless. So we parted ways. But after Dauntless and Erudite attacked Abnegation, you came back to me. We stayed in Amity, but then Erudite found us and we had to go to Candor. You told me you went back to the remaining people of Abnegation." I can hear my voice begin to shake.

"But you didn't. You went to Erudite. And when Jeanine threatened to kill people if a divergent didn't turn themselves in, I went to Erudite headquarters. She tortured me with simulations and then, I saw you there, Caleb." I stop talking and inhale deeply, running my hand up and down my legs in an attempt to comfort myself.

"Tobias rescued me. The factionless and Erudite got into a big war. The factionless were going to kill you, but we took you with us when we left the city. We stayed here at the Bureau for a while, and then they were going to release memory serum and reset everyone in our city. We had to stop them."

"We had a plan. You were supposed to go into the Weapons Lab and release the memory serum in the Bureau instead. But the Weapons Lab was guarded by death serum. There was no way you could have survived. So I went in instead, because I am divergent and there was a chance I could resist the serum. I did. But David, the leader of the Bureau, was in there too."

"I almost didn't survive. I was shot several times. But then I woke up in the hospital, and they told me you had lost all your memories. Because we thought you were going to die, we never inoculated you against the memory serum. So here we are."

Caleb is silent. Then he reaches out and takes my hand. "Bea- I mean, Tris." He looks up. His eyes, like mine, have tears in them.

"I'm sorry," he says, and his voice sounds thick. Very thick. It makes me feel small and squeezed on the inside.

"Don't apologize for something you don't remember," I tell him. "The past is the past. Just use your guilt to remember to do better next time." I find myself quoting the Abnegation.

I hope my parents can hear me.


	14. Brighter Futures

I stare up at the ceiling, which is tinted in soft morning light coming in through the thin curtain. I am in my own room, but only because I felt the need to gather my thoughts. Caleb is sort of like he was now. Sort of. It will not be the same, but he is still my brother, no matter what goes on in his mind. I love him no matter what.

I think also of Eva. Perhaps I should give her a second chance. After all, it is what my parents would do. My selfless parents. Even if she is maniacally happy, slightly annoying, and clingy to Tobias, we could end up okay with each other. Forgive and forget, is what my mother would say.

Lastly, I think of all the people that I have lost. Will, who didn't get to see how evil the Erudite's intentions were, who didn't get the answer to the questions I have always asked myself. Of Marlene, who never got to say a proper goodbye to the ones she loved. Lynn, who kept to herself until her last few seconds. And even of my parents. My mother would have wanted me to come to the Bureau, I think. To see where she came from and what her people stood for.

I am also sure no matter how much she liked the Bureau, she would have wanted me to set off the memory serum on them.

I hear footsteps in the hall, and voices to go with them. I should get up now. Today, the Bureau will be finding out who wants to stay and live in the hotel or go back to the city to live. I am not sure what I want to do. Not sure where I belong.

I suppose I will discuss it with Tobias. A wave of affection sweeps over me and I smile, swinging my legs over the side of my bed. I quickly shower, noting that my hair has grown out and touches my shoulders. I don't want to cut it again; it feels good to have longer hair.

I pull on a simple black top and pants, only realizing after I have dressed that the clothes I wear are those Dauntless wore. It is what I am used to, and what I will wear. I leave the room, slipping my key card into my pocket.

The hallway is mostly empty, except for a mother and her two young children who walk ahead of me. The two kids chase each other down the hall, and the woman calls after them. They disappear around a corner.

I arrive in the food court and see Tobias at a table to my left, sitting with Christina, Cara, Matthew, and Eva. I walk over to them and slide into a seat.

"Tris!" Christina says, her voice garbled by the bite of muffin in her mouth. She passes over a muffin and I look at it. Banana, with nuts. The kind we ate during initiation. I smile at her.

"What are you doing about the relocation?" I ask Christina. She smiles. "Well, mum finally agreed to let me live on my own. But I have to have a roommate." She pauses and smiles over at Cara. "Which wasn't too hard."

I cross my arms. "You didn't ask me?" My voice is light, but I truly do want to know. She smirks at me.

"Well, I thought you'd want to share an apartment with Four over there." I feel my cheeks reddening, and cast a look at Tobias. He looks as uncomfortable as I feel. Christina laughs and takes another bite of her muffin.

"Can we talk?" Tobias says. After a glance around the table, he locks eyes with me. "Alone?" I nod and we stand up, leaving Christina grinning after us as we leave the food area.

He stops in an empty hallway and leans back against the wall, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops. I remember him doing this very thing when I was still an initiate.

"What are you doing about the relocation?" I ask softly, not meeting his eyes. I stare at the smudge on the side of my right boot.

I feel his hand slip into mine. "How about, 'What are _we _doing about the relocation?'" he amends, a small smile crossing his face.

I finally meet his eyes. There's an emotion in them I cannot read. I smile back. "Fine...what are _we _doing about the relocation?" I swing our held hands between us.

He says it with a hint of a smile. "I was thinking we could find an apartment somewhere. Together."

I pull back teasingly. "But where? In the Bureau? Or back in the city?"

He tilts his head in so we breathe the same air. "Wherever you want, _Beatrice._"

I smack his arm lightly. "Don't call me Beatrice. Not now, anyways. And...I don't know. There are bad memories everywhere. But maybe we should go back to the city. It would feel more like home."

He nods slowly. "Okay, Tris. But somewhere away from all the ghosts. Somewhere near Amity, or someplace we've never been for long."

I lean against his chest and listen to his heart beating. "That's a sensible idea," I say quietly. For a minute we are both silent and I can only hear his heart. Then he speaks.

"So we are really going to move back? Together?" His voice is low. Hopeful. Like there is hope in our future, a future where we are not being hunted down, a world where we are equals. I new start.

Suddenly, I feel as if all of the bad things are in the past. There is nothing but bright light in my future. A place where I can see living in a real home, growing old in peace.

I laugh softly. "Yes, we are. You better believe it." Our lips touch, and in that moment, I know that everything is going to be alright.


	15. Welcome Home

"You're not dangerous. They told me that." Hector crosses his arms in front of him. His curly brown hair flops down over his forehead and ears. He has Lynn's eyes.

We sit in the truck that will bring us back into the city. Hector sits across from me, Christina, Tobias, and Cara. Matthew drives. Hector sits between his older sister, Shauna, and their mother. I never learned her name.

"No. Just have a different brain," I tell Hector. He still looks suspicious. It makes me smile. I suppose some things never change.

His mother shoots me a glare and wraps a protective arm around Hector. Shauna crosses her arms and doesn't look at me. I almost laugh.

Tobias holds my hand. I think, after all of my years of an Abnegation, I have finally mastered hand holding. I give his hand a light squeeze. He returns it. I lean my head onto his shoulder. Our new lives start now.

"Are you ready for the new place?" I ask softly. Tobias has cut his hair again, not as short as he used to. I like it that way.

He looks down at me and half smiles. "Yes. I believe I am."

The place we will go to was a building near Amity, though not one we ever went to. It is a small house in a long line of other ones, with a garden in the front and a lake nearby. The peacefulness of our new home sounds almost artificial after my life so far.

We hit a bump in the road and Christina lets out a loud laugh as Cara, startled, trips forward. Her perfectly twisted hair let's a few strands loose, which frame her face in gold.

Matthew yells back to us from the front of the car. "We're almost there!" His voice sounds scratchy and rough. He must have a winter cough.

"Tris. Even if we don't live three doors away from each other anymore, I expect you to visit us. Okay?" Christina leans her elbows down on her knees and tilts her head to look at me.

I laugh. "Of course I will. And I expect you to come over and see us, too." I tease, poking my finger into her side. She shrieks loudly and slaps my hand. I smack her shoulder back.

I lean my head back on Tobias's shoulder and look up at him. From this angle, his eyes look almost light blue. He glances down at me and squeezes my hand. I squeeze it back. Christina sighs.

"You guys are all pairing up. Hello! Single, here? Single ready to mix and mingle?" She kicks out her foot dramatically and tosses her head around. I laugh. Tobias looks almost amused.

The truck lurches to a stop. We all climb out, including Matthew, who slides out of the driver's seat. Cara slips her hand into his and smiles. Christina rolls her eyes at all of us.

"Okay..." Tobias mutters, pulling a piece of paper out of his back pocket. On it is a small map given to us by the Bureau. We are expected to have all of our things moved in two weeks. It won't be hard. I barely own anything anymore.

We walk through the snow, craning our necks to look for our small house. It finally rises up in the distance, right where they said it would be. It was a small, silver box in the wide white landscape. There were windows in the front and a silver door.

I pull the key out of my back pocket and unlock the front door. A gust of warm air meets us as we walk in. The door clicks shut behind us. Inside, it is warm. There is a small fireplace and a two person couch. A chair in the corner. Windows with white curtains. A mirror on the wall. It is strange.

Tobias grins at me. "Do you like it?" He searched for so long to find a place in the city that we hadn't been to. The Amity had recently built a series of spread out houses, but they hadn't been used. Until now.

I smile back at him. "It's great. You did a good job picking this place." I walk towards a small sliding door and push it open. There is a bedroom with a large bed next to the window and two dressers along the wall. There is a bathroom with a shower to the side of the room. It smells fresh, like Abnegation used to.

"I love it," I tell Tobias, smiling. He smiles back. I wrap my arms around him and lean into his chest. He feels strong.

This is our house. My new home. Our new home.


	16. Way Away

I curl up next to Tobias on the couch and lean on his shoulder. In his hand is a letter from the Bureau he found on the doormat this morning. I read over his shoulder.

_Dear Inhabitants -_

_It has come to our attention that we must find ways of employment for the new members of our society. Enclosed are forms you must fill out to inform us of your job interests. We have sent one for each member in your household over the age of 16. Please take deep consideration of this._

_These forms must be mailed back to us within a week of arrival. From there, you will receive letters that will inform you of what your current job will be, where to go to work each day, and how much you will be paid._

_Take care -_

_Melissa Dahner, vice-president of the Employment Branch_

I watch as Tobias sets the letter down on our small table. "They sure rebuilt their society pretty quickly," he remarks.

I nod. "So what job do you think you want to move in to?" I ask him, curling my feet under me. The couch is made of a soft beige material.

Tobias reads over the letter again. I watch his dark blue eyes move back and forth. It somehow comforts me in a way nothing else can. "I think I want to be . . . a lawyer." His voice is steady. The choice surprises me.

"A Candor job," I say, before I remember that there is no Candor. Not anymore, anyway. To me he will always belong with a gun in his hand and a determined set to his jaw, running and fighting. But I do want him to be safe.

He smiles over at me. "Well, you know, when people get falsely accused of crimes they never could have committed. I would stand for them. Maybe being in their position so many times would help," he says.

I find sense in his words. We have been wrongly convicted criminals far more times than we should have. "That's sensible of you," I tell him. He leans his head over and we kiss, once, gently.

He pulls back. "What about you?"

I don't even have to think before I answer him. "I want to work for the protection system around here. You know . . . the police. I think being Dauntless will help me with that."

His eyebrows pull together and he sets a hand on my shoulder. "Tris," he says, softly. I lean my head onto his hand. "You have put yourself in danger so many times. I don't want to lose you." There is a slightly covered glaze of panic in his eyes. It makes me hurt.

"You won't, Tobias. After coming through alive after all this time, I think I'll be okay." He strokes my cheek with two of his fingers and examines my face.

"Okay," he finally says, and I kiss him. For standing with me all this time, for insisting on my strength when I was weak, for keeping me going even when all I wanted to do was die. Life is worth it if he is here.

We each take our form from the envelope the letter came from and start to fill it out, writing down our futures.

...

The next few days were waiting days. Every morning, I would wake early and check the doormat, but still; no letters. It was the kind of waiting that can wear you to the bone.

On the fourth morning, I opened the door to see a neat two envelope stack in front of me. I quickly bend down and pick them up. They are ice cold. I shiver and shut the door. Tobias is still in the bedroom.

He lifts his head when I come in. "Tobias, our letters came!" I whisper to him. I do not know why I whisper. It is just me and him in the room.

I climb back under the blankets and hand him the one with his name on it. He opens it slowly. I do the top off of mine and pull out the enclosed letter.

_Ms. Beatrice Prior -_

_It has come to our attention that you have chosen a career in crime fighting. Before we can include you in our squads, however, you must go through our training program. We have taken into account your Dauntless records and added them to your file._

_Today at 10:24 PM you will be expected at our training house in the main compound. There is a map enclosed. Your room is 32B. There you will meet your trainer and future squad._

_With regards -_

_Melissa Dahner, vice-president of the Employment Branch_

I smile and check the time on the small clock next to our lamp. There is a about an hour before I must be there. I smile at Tobias and hop out of bed. I have to get ready now.

After taking a shower, I dress in Dauntless clothes again. Tobias sits at the table we eat at, sipping a mug of coffee. I kiss him. "I have to go," I say.

He smiles at me. "Well, I guess I'll see you again tonight," he says. I nod and leave.

There is a bus that goes from the city to the Bureau that comes by every thirty minutes. I should be just in time. Sure enough, it is coming, bumping along the uneven road. It slows to a stop when the driver sees me.

I climb on the bus and sit in the first seat I see, before looking to see who else sits next to me. Soon I will be in training for my new job, and everything will be alright. Tobias to return to every night, a job to work at day, safer than I've ever been. Finally my real self.

"Beatrice! Hi!" I cringe at the familiar upbeat voice as I turn my head to the person next to me. Eva smiles at me. She has put her fiery hair into a braid that comes down over her right shoulder.

How did I not notice her here? I cross my arms. "Hello, Eva." I am not sure of what to make of this situation.

She runs her hand over the top of her head and I notice a blue string bracelet around her wrist. "So where are you off to?" Her voice is bubbly and bright.

I take my time answering. I do not want to talk this girl. "Got a job as an officer," I tell her. "And I'm on my way to training."

Eva laughs, the airy sound filling the entire car with her artificial happiness. "Oh my gosh! Co - ink - i - dink! I'm going there too!"

I feel a sigh escape my lips. This is going to be a very long day.


	17. Up and At Them

The training room reminds me of my initiation days. There are targets on one wall with a rack full of pistols, and punching bags on the other. And in the middle of it all, there is a boy. He looks around Tobias's age.

I stand in the front of the rest of the new trainees. The boy, who I suppose runs this place, comes forward and stands in front of us. He has light green eyes and light brown hair.

"I'm Lance," he tells us. His mouth turns up slightly at the corner. "I will be your mentor over the next few months, to help train you up to be officers of the law." He shoots a look around the group. I meet his gaze.

"Go to work," he tells us, and we walk off. I decide to start with a gun. I select a black gun off the shelf and weigh it in my palm, biting my lip. It reminds me suddenly of Will. He should be here right now. But there is no going back.

I hold the gun up and steady my arms. I let out a long breath and shoot. The bullet lands in the second circle from the center. I examine the gun closely. It seems stranger than the ones we had in the city.

"Aren't you going to use ear and eye protection?" Lance walks up behind me. He wears a dark red shirt and jeans. I meet his eyes.

"No. I'm used to shooting without." I answer. Hopefully he noticed that I do know how to hold and fire a gun as well.

He smiles. "So, you're used to shooting guns. They didn't have guns in the fringe. So...you must be from Chicago." I do not like how easily he can pinpoint me.

"Yes," I say. I am suddenly very conscious of the tattoos on my collarbone, the ones my shirt dips to show. "I was Dauntless."

Lance nods slowly. "I came from Detroit." When I don't answer, he continues. "Another experiment city. We had factions too. But I escaped the city. And once I heard the Bureau here had fallen, I came." He shrugs. "I actually came before. Hence the job."

I lift a shoulder. "Oh. I guess you've heard about me then." I suppose about anyone here with memories does.

Lance thinks for a moment. "Beatrice Prior? I mean, Tris." He smiles. "That's you, isn't it?"

I take my time answering. "Yes. That's me." This conversation feels strange. Like I am very open about my life. I am not.

"I have to say, I'm surprised to see that Tobias isn't here right now." Lance crosses his arms over his chest.

I feel like I've been completely turned out, like I am on truth serum. "He decided to go into a different profession." I keep my voice steady.

Lance nods again. I cross my arms too, mirroring him. "You know, Tris. I could bump you up to the next rank already. You being an ex Dauntless and all."

I look at him, suddenly wishing I was like Christina so I could tell if he was lying. I can't tell. "Are you sure you want to?" I raise my eyebrows. "You know, if you know who I am I can guess you also know I brought down my city _and_ the Bureau."

Lance laughs. "Of course I'm sure. And that's a much smaller class. You might know some of them. Olivia?" I shake my head. "Albert." I feel a pang in my chest. Al. I shake my head again. "Zeke? Christina?" I smile.

"I know them." I tell him. I'd rather be in a class with them than these people. And Eva.

Lance smiles and leans against the wall. "Okay, then. Your class starts in two hours then. Until then..." He examines my face closely. "You can help me train these people." He looks around. So do I.

The majority of people in here are trying to shoot guns for the first time, or throwing bad first punches. I nod. "Okay."

Lance nods too. He seems to do that a lot. He locks his green eyes with mine. "You're a good person, Tris." Then he walks away.

I watch him walk for a bit before walking over to another person shooting a gun. They shoot, and the gun flies from their hand and hits the floor. I sigh and walk over, instructing them.

When they are firing the gun without falling over, I walk over to a girl at the punching bags. She is small, like me. She aims a kick at the bag and when it lands, the thing doesn't move at all. I feel instantly bad for her.

I remember everything Tobias taught me when he was still Four. "Since you're small, you'll want to use your knees and elbows. Keep your stomach tense." I tell her.

She turns to face me. Her eyes are brown. "Who are you?" she asks suspiciously.

I cross my arms. "Tris Prior. But that doesn't matter. What does matter is that you need to learn to fight and that I can teach you. Knees and elbows." I demonstrate, and this time the bag budgets a bit to the right. The girl looks impressed.

"Okay, fine. I'm Patricia. But please never call me that. Ever." She smirks at me. "You can call me Cia. Now she me how to punch."

I do show her. I show her how to kick, punch, and counter an attack. For a newcomer, she catches on fast. At last, she steps back. I look at her.

"You're kind of good at this." She runs a hand over her dark hair and then looks at me again. "They told me I wanted to be an officer before I lost my memories. So there you go. Me following my unconscious dreams. What about you?"

I do not know what to say. Obviously, I can't tell her I was the cause of her memory loss. "I um. Wasn't sure," I lie. She narrows her eyes and opens her mouth to say something when Lance blows a whistle.

"Clear out!" he yells. She nods at me and leaves. I walk over to Lance. "That girl's got potential, huh?" he says.

I nod. "Yeah. I think so." I stop talking when I notice him staring at me.

"What?" I ask.

He has a hint of a smile on his lips. "Why don't you let me take you to dinner?"


	18. Relive

The next class starts a few minutes late. Christina walks in and opens her eyes wider when she sees me. "Tris!"

She runs forward and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her I turn, wincing when the places I was shot send slivers of pain across my skin.

Lance walks over to us. "So this must be Christina," he says. I nod. Christina squares her shoulders and faces him.

"Bet I could take you," she says casually, smiling. Lance lifts an eyebrow.

"Don't be so sure." Without warning, he darts forward and kicks her legs out from under her. Christina lands on the ground, but quickly snaps back up. She grabs Lance around his midsection and knocks him to the floor, one hand on his throat and the other holding his wrist down. She smirks.

"Well, I am sure. I'd like to thank the academy. And by the academy, I mean _her_ -" she jerks a thumb at me, "scary boyfriend."

Lance climbs to his feet and brushes himself off. "Well, I suspect he was a good teacher," he says, but his voice is suddenly cold. I did not take him for the kind of person that would be so petty about losing a fight, but what else did he have to be mad about?

"Okay," Lance paces in front of us. With me here, there are five of us; a dark haired boy who has rat like features at the end who must be Albert, a curly haired girl with a pierced eyebrow that is probably Olivia, and Zeke and Christina. Lance continues. "Today we'll be working on hand to hand combat. I've paired you up already."

He points at Albert and Olivia, who exchange glances. Christina and Zeke, who slap each other high fives. Zeke yells "Yahoo!", which warrants a dirty look from Lance. Then he looks at me. "Since you just joined us, you're with me."

In less than a minute, we face each other on one of the squishy mats. I note how he holds his hands up, a little too high, leaving the bottom of his stomach unguarded. I chew on my lip and think of how to make the first move.

Suddenly, Lance flashes out an arm and I feel his arm twisting mine, making me bend my back over. I know this move. I pretend to be in pain and go completely limp. As I suspected, my weight tears me from his grasp. In the moment it takes him to stand up straight again, I am there, kicking out a foot so he falls. But he is fast too.

In a flash, he strikes out an arm. It hits my jaw, not hard enough to hurt. It is not like Dauntless initiation. He is not trying to hurt me. I twitch away under his arm and drive a fist into his stomach, slipping around him. I land my foot in the middle of his back and push him down on the ground face first. Before he can try to get up, I hold down his ankles and wrists.

"Is there another class I can move up to?" I joke, freeing his arms and ankles. I offer him a hand up and he takes it. His hands are large and have calluses around where you would hold a gun. Like me.

"No. But I'm serious, you're a natural. You'll be at my level in a week," he says. I look up at him, trying to detect sarcasm, but his eyes are wide and serious. I look away so he doesn't see me smile. Having the job I want. It's a beautiful thought.

Lance nods. "You know, they need partners on the force. Maybe once you're out of here they'll put us together," he says. I do think it would be nice to work with someone I know. But perhaps that would be Christina.

So all I say is "Maybe."

The class ends, and Christina flings an arm around my shoulders. I wince as my bullet wounds take the pressure, but don't so anything.

"So, that Lance guy?" She says, when we leave the building. The cold air rushes down my neck and makes me shiver. "He reminds me of Will."

I stop walking, my hair blowing over my face. "What?" My voice shakes a little on the way out. I wish it wouldn't.

She leans against a building. "Yeah, I know. We don't even know him. But he sort of does." She looks at the ground. I feel guilt rising up in me again. It is my fault that he is gone. I am not sure I will ever completely get over ending his life.

Instead, she wraps me in her arms. I feel tears in my eyes and imagine that they would be in hers, too. We stand together like that and share grief like we always do. "Youre a good friend, Tris. You don't know what it was like, coming back to the Bureau and hearing that you were..." she murmurs into my ear. Her voice is thick with emotion.

I reply quietly. "So are you. And Christina, don't worry. I am not planning on going anywhere, any time soon. You won't lose me."

I am determined to keep that promise. The promise I have almost broken countless times.


	19. Broken

Tobias is asleep. His soft breathing noises fill the air and comfort me. I lay next to him and stare out the window as snow drifts slowly to the ground.

It seems like it has been too long since I have been able to sleep in a bed I call my own, to not have to fight again. To not know if I will be able to say goodbye to my loved ones before I die. My future is a safer place than my past.

I only then remember Lance's dinner invitation. Oh well. I suppose I will tell him tomorrow that I had other plans. I roll over and look at Tobias instead. With his dark eyes closed, he looks peaceful. I smile and close my eyes too.

I must have fallen asleep, because when my eyes open again sunlight streams into our bedroom through the open blinds, spilling across our white sheets. Tobias is gone. I get up and shower, avoiding my bullet wounds carefully.

I end up dressing in a pair of jeans and a black shirt with long sleeves and a neckline that shows off my tattoos. After slipping on my shoes, I see a note on the kitchen table.

_VI -_

_I had to head off to work early, but I'll be home in time for dinner. I know you have to work late today, so I'll save some food for you to have when you get home. I didn't want to wake you up. See you tonight,_

_IV_

I slip the note into my back pocket and leave.

The bus is sailing down the road and I feel a warm breeze, a hint that spring is coming. I step onto the bus and sit in the first seat.

I don't see Eva today. It makes me feel lighter and happier, for some strange reason. I watch the snowy scape out the window.

When I reach the Bureau, the bus empties out. To my surprise, Lance is waiting outside the building, leaning against a wall. Today his shirt is light gray, an Abnegation color.

"You're here early," he says, crossing his arms over his chest. I mirror him, crossing my arms.

"I thought I'd help with the first class again," I say, tilting my head to the side. He looks at me for a moment and then nods, walking through the doors. I follow him inside.

When we get to the training room, it is empty, and the floor mats have marks on them, like someone has mopped them since they were used yesterday. Lance checks his watch. "The trainees will be here in a few minutes." He finally meets my gaze. "So. What happened to you last night?"

I suddenly remember about the forgotten dinner plans. "Oh, I uh . . . I made plans with Christina. Sorry, I forgot." I will have to pull her aside later to let her know. For some reason, I don't want to tell Lance that I forgot.

Instead, Lance just nods in understanding. Just then, the door opens and the trainees slowly trickle into the room. Lance gives me one last look and heads over to the pack of people, who stand in a clump.

"Today," Lance says, his voice loud enough to carry across the room, "We will be learning how to defend yourself. Tris, maybe you'd like to demonstrate a few moves with me." I nod and walk over to a nearby mat. He follows me and faces me, his hands up near his face. The trainees follow and gather around the mat.

"Now!" Lance says. "Let's say I just beat some people up. Maybe killed a person. Tris has lost her gun, and I attack her. What does she do?" As the last words leave his mouth, he charges at me.

I quickly sidestep him and he barrels past. While he skids to turn around, I bring my elbow down on his back and he falls. I put my foot on his back to make sure he can't get up and gather his hands behind his back with a smirk. The trainees whisper to each other with wide eyes.

Lance stands and grins at me. "Did you all see what she did? That's what we're learning today. Partner up!" The trainees scramble to find partners.

The rest of the day is a blur of fighting, shooting, and running. I feel like I am back in Dauntless as an initiate, working my body to the breaking point. Even Christina, who is usually so spry, seems out of breath at times.

It is a relief to get on the bus at the end of the day and sit down. Eva never showed up today, which I am perfectly fine with. Maybe she switched jobs.

I get home a few hours earlier than I expected to, and begin walking down the snowy road towards my house. The ice underfoot crunches as my boots press it into the frozen ground.

I reach the house and hear voices. Instinctively, I back up behind a bush to listen. It is my house, after all.

"I told you to leave me alone," growls a voice. Tobias.

Whoever stands there responds too quietly for me to hear.

"No! I'm done. I want to live my life and do my job." He sounds angry. I wonder why.

"But you came to our meetings! We told you our plans!" I recognize the second voice. It's Eva.

"I -" Tobias starts and is cut off. I decide to look around the edge of the bush.

My heart freezes. I feel frozen to the spot. I stand there, the freezing wind biting into my skin and tugging at my hair. Tobias, standing in front of our front door, kissing Eva. I feel like stone. I feel like nothing. I feel like fire and ice and death serum.

Tobias sees me and pushes Eva off angrily. "Tris, I -" he starts. I don't let him continue. I run, faster and faster, without a sense of direction or purpose. Something slams into me and for a moment I am flying, like a bird.

Then I hit the cold, hard ground and everything goes black.


	20. Don't Wake Me Up

_"Beatrice, come and help me make dinner." My mother stands at the stove, and I walk over to help her. She is getting out a pan. I grab a knife and some carrots and begin to slice them. She pulls out some frozen chicken. We work in silence and harmony._

_I look out the window and freeze. There is nothing beyond that point. Just whiteness. I turn to my mom for answers. She looks like she always does, with her shapeless gray clothes and high cheekbones, her green eyes and golden hair. A few pieces have fallen loose around her face._

_"Beatrice. You need to wake up," she tells me. I look around at the kitchen, a place that brings me so much comfort. I have lived in this house for so long. Why wake up..._

_"I don't want to leave," I tell her as memories start in my head. She is not real. She can't be. I remember her getting shot. A sob rises in my throat and chokes me on the way out. "I want to stay here with you."_

_I do want to stay. The waking world is full of violence and suffering and war and betrayal. Here everything is simple and wonderful, where everyone is kind without a second thought and I can help my mother make dinner._

_I never want to wake up again. It is nicer here._

_She walks over to me and places a hand on my cheek, her eyes soft. She smells of fresh air and soap. The scent brings me a deep calm. She shakes her head and says,"Try to remember more."_

_I do. I see Will getting shot. I see my father die. Caleb is a traitor, and Jeanine is going to kill me. Peter saves my life. We leave the city. My mother was from outside the fence. Uriah is in a coma. I release memory serum on the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. I almost died. I got a job and, and there's more, I just know it._

_ I see Tobias . . . Tobias . . . Tobias with a girl that I dislike. Eva. I see them together. I remember running. Flying, even. Then there was nothing._

_"Mom," I whisper. "What happened?" _

_She sits down at the kitchen table and I sit across from her. "Beatrice. You must wake up. People are waiting for you . . ." Her voice drifts off, getting softer and softer._

_"Will I see you again?" I ask her. She looks so beautiful right then, my mother, with the white light coming in through the window and illuminating her hair to gold._

_"I hope so," she tells me, and I shiver as the kitchen dissolves._

There is a beeping noise, and the air smells sharp. I feel tears slipping down my face, remembering my mother. I wish she was still here. I wish I could talk to her. A deep pain spreads in my head and side, and I feel the heavy stuffiness of bandages across my waist and forehead.

"Tris." A voice. I try to connect it to a name. Tobias? No. My mother? No. Christina. It's Christina.

My eyes flutter open and I see her sitting next to my bed. Behind her, a window shows that it is night. "What happened?" I whisper to her. I asked my mother that. She didn't answer me.

Christina takes my hand. Hers feels strong and warm. I clench it in my fingers, as hard as I can. "The bus hit you," she tells me. "They said you went running into the middle of the street, Tris." Her voice is careful.

"Tobias," I say. She looks sad.

"He's coming, Tris. He'll be here any second now." Christina smiles at me. She doesn't know. Doesn't know what Tobias did.

"No," I hiss, and sit up. The movement makes waves of pain shoot through my body. My hospital room is small. Like the kitchen in my Abnegation house that I sat at just minutes ago. "Don't let him in."

Christina gives me a strange look, like I am not the same person. I guess I'm not. "But Tris. He's worried about you."

"I don't see why he would be," I snarl. "I thought he'd be too busy with - with -" I can't speak. It frustrates me. It frustrates me so much I start to cry. "Eva," I finally choke out. Tobias told me he loved me, so many times. How could this have happened, after everything we've gone through together?

Christina looks surprised for a moment, then a hard look settles in her eyes. There's a knock on the door. I shrink back into my pillow. "I'll get it," says Christina in a tight voice.

She opens the door. Tobias stands outside the room, his dark eyes sweeping the room until they land on me. "Tris!" he says, and tries to come in. Christina pushes him back.

"Don't even think about coming in here," she growls. "Not one step closer, or I will kill you. How could you do that, huh? After everything that's happened. I guess she means _nothing_ to you, I bet she's just downright _disposable._"

Tobias's eyes widen. "What? No, Christina, that's not what happened - I love her, please, let me in!" I stare at him. His eyes are searching mine. For what? I don't know and find I no longer care. My eyes shut.

"It's your fault she almost died," snarls Christina, and the door slams shut. She walks back to me and sits in her chair again, cracking her knuckles. I open my eyes.

"Thanks," I say softly.

"Yeah," she responds. We sit in silence for a while. I watch out the window as cars go by on a snowy street. The kind where buses go. Where one hit me and gave me flight. Flight before near death.

Even though I survived, I feel dead.


	21. Not Ready

I sit in my hospital bed, feeling completely useless. Studded with bullet wounds and sporting broken bones, I look like a poor mashup of different injuries. The nurse that was in here earlier left me a cup of water, which I left untouched.

The door swings open and Lance walks in. He looks tired, almost older than the last time I saw him. His eyebrows pull together as he sits in one of the chairs against the wall.

"Hit by a bus, huh." He says, leaning back.

I nod halfheartedly and sigh. "Can you think of a dumber way to get injured?"

Lance doesn't reply. He probably can't. I can't, either. But all I know is that they will release me any moment now, and I will have nowhere to go. Certainly not back to the house where I saw Tobias kissing Eva. Not there. I break the silence.

"What happened to teaching a certain class of trainees?" I ask, taking a sip out of the full cup of water.

He smiles slightly. "Day off."

"Good for them," I wince.

Christina bursts in through the door with a brown plastic bag, crumpled at the top. She looks at Lance for a moment and opens her mouth like she's about to talk. Then she snaps it shut and sit in the chair next to my bed.

"Tobias is still asking if he can come in." She says to me, shooting a quick glance at Lance. His eyes flick up to the ceiling. Christina continues. "Please let him in. He'll never shut up otherwise."

Lance sighs loudly. "Uh...I'm gonna go. Stuff to do," he says awkwardly, and stands and leaves the room.

I turn back to Christina. "Fine. But you have to be in here with us." I do not want to be alone in a room with Tobias.

She nods, looking a bit worried, and leaves the room. I brace myself. What will Tobias say? I pinch my leg, not hard enough to hurt. I don't care. I will try to believe that.

Christina comes back in, and behind her, Tobias. His dark eyes fall on me and he comes forward and places a hand on my cheek. I turn away.

"Tris. Please, listen to me. What you saw . . . It wasn't what you think. I promise." His eyes are wide. They bore into mine, pleading me to forgive him.

"Then what was it?" I ask coldly. This tension feels half wrong, half right.

He leans his head down into his hands before looking up again. "Tris. I went to some of her little fringe meetings. Then I stopped. She won't let me go. She won't. _She _kissed _me._ Not the other way around."

I watch him, wondering if he's lying. I suddenly realize Christina is sitting there. I turn to her, lifting my eyebrows.

"I think he's telling the truth, Tris," she says softly.

I sink back into the bed. He is not lying. But I am still not sure I am ready to forgive him. A nurse walks in and smiles.

"You're free to go," she tells me, and types some codes on the machine to my left. I sigh and stand up, wincing. Tobias and Christina both stare at me.

"I think I need some time," I tell Tobias. He looks away for a moment and then nods. Still, we lock eyes for a few long seconds before he leaves. Christina pokes my shoulder. "What?"

"Where are you gonna stay, Tris?" She asks. Then Christina laughs. "Just kidding. You better be coming to live with your favorite person ever, right?"

I smile at Christina. Trust her to put a positive spin on this. She offers me her arm and I laugh and punch her. We walk out of the room together, me limping every other step.

...

Her house looks almost the same as my old one on the outside. But once I walk inside, I realise the difference. There are books and science magazines stacked neatly around the room, both on shelves and tables. A target board hangs on the wall with small, sharp arrow like things sticking out of it. Christina lets out a gusty sigh and turns to face me.

"Welcome to your wonderful new home," she yells, so loud I almost think something will fall. Nothing does, of course. She walks away and I follow her, wincing. Christina stops in the doorway of a small room filled with boxes. "You can sleep here. I'll set something up."

I peer into the room. The boxes appear to be almost empty, just a few things in each. It's strange, but I decide not to ask questions. I look up and Christina is looking at me in a funny way. "What?"

She sighs. "Really, Tris? 'What?'" Christina leans back against the wall and lifts one dark eyebrow. "Tobias. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Chris." I lean back too, looking at my feet.

"First of all," Christina says, putting her hands on her hips, "don't call me that. You're making me sound like a boy. Second. Tobias deserves a second chance. He was telling the truth, Tris."

I sigh. "Yes, I know, but still. He didn't necessarily stop Eva, either. I just need some time to get used to this . . . whatever it is."

Christina frowns. "Okay, fine." She walks off, leaving me in the doorway. She is done talking about it for now. But I suspect this talk will repeat itself many times.

I sink down into the floor, easing myself into a sitting position. Maybe I should talk to Tobias. Maybe he does deserve something else. A second chance.

I stand up and walk down the hall. I hear a persistent knocking and my head turns towards the door. I open it and stand, surprised, in front of him.

"Hi, Tris. How are you feeling?"


	22. Let Loose

Caleb comes over for breakfast. After he visited last night, we had to make him leave because we needed to sleep, but here he is; sitting at the table, chatting with Cara.

"Well, I heard something about the way the Bureau raises livestock," Caleb says through a mouthful of oatmeal. "They basically keep them all in pens separated by weight, gender, and age status. They even feed them special genetically altered grains."

Cara nods at him. "Yes, I recollect hearing something like that from Matthew. He also told me..." Her voice fades into the background as I zone out.

It is still strange for me to sit here at the same table as my brother, the one thought would be lost to me forever. He looks better than he did after the serum was released. He's cut his hair a bit, and his shirt is clean and without wrinkles.

I take another small bite of oatmeal, most of my appetite gone. I focus mostly on the warm green in Caleb's eyes, the eyes I remember so clearly as my mother's. I used to wish I had his eyes. Sometimes still do.

There's a knock at the door. I hop lightly out of my chair and open the door a tiny bit so I can see out. I freeze when I see who stands there. Tobias. He looks disheveled; his shirt is wrinkled, his hair is sticking up in different directions, and he has dark circles under his eyes. Basically, what I've been waking up to in the mirror each morning.

"Tobias," I say, quietly. The last thing I need is for Caleb or Cara, or worse, Christina, to know he is here. I slip outside and close the door slowly behind me. "What are you doing here?"

Tobias runs a hand through his hair, which only succeeds in messing it up further. "Look, Tris. I know it looks bad, right now. But I need you to understand. I love you, Tris. You. Not Eva, not anyone else. You."

I stand there, stiff, as I remember the first time he said that. We'd been on the run, like we always used to be. I hadn't said it back. Not the first time. Not now. "Tobias. You know I need time alone right now." I let am edge enter my voice.

He steps back, defeated, and locks eyes with me one more time. I stare into his dark blue gaze and then tear my eyes away, reopening the door and shouting it behind me without another word. "Who was that?" Christina calls.

"No one," I answer, staring at the floor. "It was no one."

...

That night, Christina convinces me and Cara to go into the city with her. "It'll be fun!" she keeps saying, as if she keeps telling us it will be true. She makes me brush out my hair and lines my eyes with dark pencil again. Puts me in a flowy, black, knee length dress. Makes me look alive again.

Because I refuse to take the bus, Matthew drives us. He pulls up in front of the house and grins out at us, but mostly Cara. When we get in the truck, he kisses Cara carefully. Her cheeks turn bright red but she makes no objections.

It is a long drive into the city, and I think I fall asleep. Or at least, I try to. Several times, I come to when Christina slaps my arm with impatient words. By the time we reach the city, my arm stings.

Christina jumps out first. Her jaw drops. Mine does, too, when I step out. The city is nothing like I remember. They've fixed up a bunch of the buildings, and lights stream from almost every building and tiny window.

"What?" Cara breaths softly, and smooths her hair down against the fierce wind that tugs at my dress.

Christina only stays stunned for a minute. "Come on," she whispers softly, her voice almost stolen by the wind. We follow her down the sidewalk, which is still crossed with large cracks. I wonder who has been fixing up the city. My bet is on the remaining members of Abnegation, now that they have resources available.

"Hey, Christina!" I jerk up at the sound of my friend's name and see a tall, dark skinned girl, waving from outside the door of a building I have never been in. It is smaller than most of them, a squat building with dark windows.

Christina grins at me. "That's my neighbor, Lillia. Come on." She pulls me and Cara down the street and in through the door.

Inside, it is dark with a row of bright lights over a counter where people sit, sipping drinks through small straws. There's loud music coming from, so it seems, everywhere. I turn to Christina. "Where are we?" I have to shout to be heard over the loud music.

She smiles, her white teeth bright against her dark skin. "Surprise surprise. You guys are always so uptight, and _stiff._" She winks at me when she uses my old initiation nickname. "So, because Lillia works here, I figured we'd drop by."

I sigh as she hands me a drink. It is an electric blue color, and crystal clear. I am not sure what to think of that. Cara begins to talk.

"Blue is a poor choice to color a drink," she states clearly. "It is scientifically proven that red and yellow make people hungry or thirsty, caused by the -" she is abruptly cut off when Christina groans.

"Come on, you two! Cut loose for once in your life!" She takes a sip of her own drink and raises her eyebrows at us.

I glance at Cara, unsure. She tucks a stray hair behind her ear and tentatively takes a sip. With a sigh, I lift my own drink to my lips and decide to take Christina's advice.


	23. Deeper and Deeper

I slam the glass down on the table and it emits a sharp cracking sound. I almost think it is broken, but of course, it just sits there in my hand. The room around me seems to spin before settling into a blurry scene. I shouldn't have had this many drinks, but when I realized Tobias wasn't next to me, it wasn't hard to want to erase my life for a short time.

My head throbs a little, to the beat of whatever song is playing. A waitress swoops into my vision. "Want another one, dear?" Her voice sounds slurred. It takes me a few seconds to process the words.

"No," I say quietly. She must not hear it because before long the glass is full again, and I just stare at it. I feel like I am under a serum, but this is one I cannot fight. I want to be able to think clearly again. I do. I try harder and harder to stop the fuzziness in my vision, but the serum clouds my mind. What serum is this? _Alcohol, _I think.

"Tris?" A voice. Saying my name. A familiar voice. I turn my head and see Christina. She is frowning, I think. "Come on, let's get you home."

"No, I'm fine. I am. I'll take the bus," I tell her. I do not want to leave yet. I can't. It would be a waste of this drink, and . . . I can't think of anything else. I rub the heel of my hand into my eye. Maybe then I can see her clearly.

Her hand on my arm. I pull it back. "No, really, I'm fine," I say, and lean back in my chair. How am I so still when everything is tipping, spinning around me?

She must leave, because when I lift my gaze I can't see her anymore. But there is someone else. "Lance," I say. Or I think I do.

"Hey, Tris." He sits in the chair next to me. I stare at the drink the waitress put in front of me and brush the glass lightly with my fingertips. I look at him again, at his green eyes. If they were dark blue, I'd feel better. But green is nice, too. Like my mother's eyes. And Caleb's.

"You need to get out of here," he tells me, and before I can even say anything I am on my feet. He leads me away, and I stumble after him. I want to sit. Or lay down. I can't decide which one it is I want to do.

A gust of cool night air hits me and I inhale deeply, wrapping my arms around myself to guard from the cold. Something warm and soft closes around my shoulders. A jacket. I pull it on, but it is too big. Lance's jacket. "Thanks," I murmur.

"Tris, what are you doing out here?" Lance looks at me closely. I struggle to find an answer, to find any words at all.

"Christina and Cara," I reply slowly. "We came out here and she told me to . . ." What had Christina said? "To let loose." That was what it was.

"You're fine without letting loose, Tris," he says softly. I almost don't hear it. And then his hand is on my cheek, and the other is on my back, his fingertips light and careful. I place a hand on his back and draw him closer. He is warm and I have been cold for so, so long.

Then he kisses me, and I know that Tobias knows exactly how to deal with me. He has always been there, and I love him, I know I do. But when I open my eyes his are green, instead of blue, and I am scared.

"Tris . . . ?" He sounds confused, but not as confused as I feel. This is not Tobias. Why did he kiss me? And why did I kiss him back? I back away, shaking my head, and run down the sidewalk.

It slips out from under my feet and I fall, the concrete meeting my head with a sharp pain. I feel the familiar warm trickle of my blood on my cheek but force myself to stand up and keep going. I need to find Tobias. Where is he?

I see the bus up ahead and run forward towards it. When it pulls to a stop at the waiting bench, I slump up onto it and sit in the seat, my head spinning. There are only two other people on the bus, an older couple who seem disapproving. I lean my head against the window and catch my breath.

When I again see familiar streets, I get off the bus. The cold night air bites into my face, and I realize I still wear the unfamiliar, overlarge jacket. Whose jacket is it? Oh, yes. It belongs to Lance. I shiver and shrug it off, leaving it on the edge of the street.

Even in my dizzy state, I locate the house that should have Tobias inside. I have to lean against the wall next to the door as I pound on it. The pounding continues in my head even after I stop.

He opens the door. His hair sticks up, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks so strong, like he should. Even though I am supposed to be mad at him, nothing else matters right now. I love him, and love is about forgiveness. It is a thing my mother would say.

"Tris?" His voice cracks. He has been hurting as much as I have. I grab the collar of his shirt with a shaking hand and bring his mouth to mine. It is such a relief to kiss him. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer.

Suddenly I am lifted, and I hear the door shut. Tobias is carrying me. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and press my face into his shirt. I have missed him, no matter how much I tried to deny it.

He sets me down on something soft - the bed. Then he's gone. I sit up against the pillows and try to look for him, but my head is spinning. Then he's there again, sitting next to me, one of his hands cradling my cheek and the other helping me take a sip of something hot and sweet. Tea.

"I love you," I whisper to him.

I almost don't hear his reply. "I love you too, Tris."


	24. Truth Be Told

I wake up to sunlight on white sheets. Where am I? I sit up fast and let out a groan as my head throbs. I recognize this place now. It is the house I used to share with Tobias.

He walks in the room, his hair glistening with shower water. His dark blue eyes meet mine and he sits on the edge of the bed. "Hey," he says.

"Hey," I respond, biting my lip. Will he be mad for me coming back completely drunk, or relieved because I forgive him? After all, I did kiss Lance. I shudder. I had thought he was Tobias.

"What happened to you last night?" He places a cool hand on my cheek, his fingertips sliding up into my hair. I lean into his hand and think up an answer.

"Well...Christina and Cara took me out to this place last night. And one drink turned into two, which turned into three, and. Uh. I think it was more than that." I look down at my lap. It was an awful thing for me to do, but I remember the grief of the emptiness at my side that Tobias should have been there to fill, the grief that kept the drinks coming.

His fingers close around my chin, making me look into his eyes. "It's fine, Tris. Just this once." He pulls me closer to him, until our foreheads meet. It has been too long since this has happened. I wrap a hand around his neck.

"Okay," I say quietly, and pull his mouth to mine. He feels strong, like he is the only thing keeping me from falling apart. We break apart, and I pull back just far enough to see his face. He's smiling a little bit. He still looks tired.

"You should let Christina know that you're fine," he says, and gets up. I heave a sigh but roll out of bed with another groan. My head hurts so bad. That in itself is a reason not to ever drink again.

I step into the shower and let the warm water run over my face for a while before halfheartedly washing my hair. As I massage the soap into my scalp, I feel a prickle of pain. Oh, yes. I remember falling on the sidewalk last night. I quickly wash the lather from my hair and get dressed.

Tobias waits for me on the couch when I am finally done getting ready for the day. He stands when I walk in the room and pulls me to his side. "You know where Christina's is, right?" he asks.

"Mmhmm." I mumble in return. We walk down the street together, slowly, and I match my footsteps to his. Before long, I see the house that belongs to Christina and Cara up ahead, and point it out to Tobias.

He knocks on the door, and Christina opens it a few seconds later. Her hair is in a fuzzy halo around her head, still unbrushed. Her eyes light up when they see me. "Tris! You're alive!" She turns to Tobias, raising her eyebrows. "And it looks like you had a _slight _change of heart."

I don't try to form words. Nothing could explain the sudden burst of forgiveness I had for Tobias, how I realized how deeply I needed him in my drunken state. I just smile at him.

"Well, why are you just standing there? Get in side!" Christina says impatiently. Tobias and I walk in and see Cara sitting on the couch, reading a book. I peer over her shoulder. _Based upon the fact that genetic deficiencies set us apart, it is crucial to keep it that way. _

"What are you reading?" I ask. Too curious, I have always been this way.

Cara tilts her head back and looks up at me through glasses that have slipped down her nose. "You're back, are you? And Tobias?" She seems to process the information for a moment, as only the Erudite would, before continuing. "To answer your question, it's an old guide book on the Bureau Matthew found."

I nod, and Tobias taps my shoulder. Christina is staring at me expectantly. "What?"

"While you were off over-Eruditing yourself, I asked if you what happened last night." She crosses her arms and wriggles her eyebrows. "Any juicy things I should know about?" She continues, winking at Tobias. He casts a desperate glance at me, and I almost laugh.

"Uh..." I say, trying to figure out my jumbled memories. Tobias wraps his long, idle fingers around my arm and guides me towards the couch. I sit down.

"Well, basically..." Should I tell them about Lance? I do not want Tobias to think I do not trust him again, like he did when I did not tell him about Will. I sigh and continue. "After you two left, I got another drink." Christina glares at me and punches my arm playfully.

"Come on, Tris! What happened to 'once a stiff, always a stiff?'" She says, but she's smiling. Trust Christina to turn this into a faction detail.

"I didn't drink it," I add. "But anyway, Lance showed up and made me leave. So..." I trail off again. Christina has settled on the edge of a large armchair with her chin in her hand. "He...uh, he kissed me, and..." I turn to Tobias. His fists are clenched.

"What?" His voice is tight and angry.

"No, no, it's fine, seriously. Then I..." I stop talking when Tobias begins to pace, back and forth, back and forth. I stand and set my hand on his arm.

His gaze meets mine, those normally calm dark blue eyes stewing with pure anger. Christina has stood as well, and crosses her arms. "Lance? Really?" She smirks and shakes her head. "Wow, what an asshole."

Tobias zips up his black jacket and heads towards the door. "Tobias," I chase him and grab his arm. "Where are you going?"

"To make things right," he growls, and pulls away from my grasp. The door slams in my face, leaving Christina and I standing alone.

"What do we do now?" Christina asks, her voice quiet. There is only one thing we can do.

"Go after him."


End file.
